I love my husband more than I can understand. It is such a deep love that there is no end
or beginning. It simply sprang into an
unending loop of existence that expands with every second. And even more amazing is that he loves me
even though I have damaged myself for so very long. I have made many mistakes in my life,
mistakes that have scarred me to my bones, mistakes that have painted my very
soul with blood. He looks right at me
and he sees the girl with the long brown hair that loved her family and her
Lord. She wanted nothing more than to be
kind to others and be liked in return.
He found that person inside of me and he took her hand and he brought
her into the light of his love. By doing
so he showed me that loving yourself and others is harder than simply not
caring, that it is in fact one of the hardest most rewarding goals a person can
pursue. He has shown me that family is
not just people you are related to, but rather people that are as much a part
of you as you are a part of them. He has
shown me that love does not come from cookies but rather from listening and
feeling what other people are experiencing.
He has taught me to laugh at myself, that mistakes are only
mistakes and need not be dwelled on past the learning experience. He has given that young lady hope that she
can someday live the life she dreamed of so very long ago and he has agreed to
support me through this transition as I seek to bring those dreams to
fruition. Whether I succeed in
fulfilling every dream or not I will be a better person for the rest of my life
because of his love and devotion to me, and my love and devotion to him.
My husband has given me love but he has also given me hope. Because if he loves me even through all of this then I have hope that I can become the person I want to be. Tonight my group leader gave the group a quote. I will include it below. The quote explored the concept that people are born the way that God designs. Then because we are free to make choices we try to make choices that will make the world like us better, but all we end up doing is trying to bury that beautiful, essential part of our selves deep inside because for some reason we decide that it is not good enough. I am determined to find that inner self, the original Lorane God intended me to be, and I am determined to bring as much of her as I can out into the world.
“The original, shimmering self gets buried so deep that most of us end up hardly living out of it at all. Instead we live out all the other selves, which we are constantly putting on and taking off like coats and hats against the world’s weather” - (Buechner, 1991)
